A different grief fills my soul tonight.

I stare at the endless sea of stars glimmering brilliantly in the cold night sky and wonder...

I do not ask why; I only wonder...

I wonder how God forms us out of nothing, into a masterpiece.

I wonder at the frailty of the human mind encountering the evils of this world.

I wonder...

I wonder at the beauty I still find in the midst of such still grief.

I wonder how God could possibly use these horrific things for good.

I wonder as I look at my own solemn reflection; do my eyes tell the mysteries revealed to me in the darkness of my night?

I wonder...

I wonder how I will let go of a child that was never really mine.

I wonder if I have any right to feel anger of things I cannot comprehend.

I wonder...

I wonder how many will God call to love the outcasts, the loveless, the destitute of soul?

I wonder at how few will ever leave the illusion of their own comfort and desire for a problem and pain free life -- to risk everything to love.

I wonder...

I wonder how I can sit here now before the throne of God and thank Him for my sorrow, my trials, my pain.

I wonder...

I wonder why I ever thought this life was about me at all!